You may be surprised to learn that self-compassion has been demonstrated to be even more important than self-esteem when it comes to happiness and life-satisfaction.
This is what researchers like Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin have found as they study attitudes people hold toward their shortcomings and losses. Those who are accepting and kind toward themselves say things like, “You did your best; it will be okay,” instead of “What were you thinking? You are such a loser!”
By listening to our inner monologue we can discern whether we are self-accepting or self-judging, whether we feel connected to others or isolated in our suffering, and whether we can accept our feelings or try to stifle them. Simply noticing what we say to ourselves helps us to let go of self-hurtful words and thoughts.
If self-compassion is so healthy, why do so many practice the opposite, self-hate? I believe that we convince ourselves early in life, with the help of our parents, teachers and other caregivers, that constant and harsh self-criticism somehow prevents us from failing. But research like Neff’s and personal experience prove the opposite.
You can read more about self-compassion and watch a video of Kristin Neff discussing how it differs from self-esteem at http://www.self-compassion.org/