It’s a privilege to meet and work with people who are willing to trust me to hear them and to help them to move through difficult situations or to make peace with painful circumstances. But when it comes right down to it, what, I sometimes wonder, does therapy actually offer?
This morning I found myself (once again) thinking about how hard it is to be a human being in a world that doesn’t typically foster health and wellness, economically, socially, technologically, or politically. When all is said and done, I wondered, what do we humans have to help us to stay hopeful and bold and healthy(ish)?
Here’s the list as it comes to mind of resources and strategies that foster well-being:
Self-awareness; the capacity to shift our focus as we wish; humor; compassion; a vocabulary for expressing emotions; the capacity to hear and challenge or deepen (or step away from) our ongoing monologues; breath; movement; the capacity to notice our sensations; the ability to act on intentions; connections with others; self-soothing skills; a capacity to tolerate unpleasant sensations and feelings; the ability to communicate with others; the arts and all forms of aesthetic expression; spirituality; books and selected other sources of information including (dare I say?) the internet; love; friendship; hot tea and other cozy comforts; mindful attention to the moment.
As I review this list, focusing for a moment on each item, I find that each one gives me a small moment of hope and ease.
Reflecting further, I realize that although these are readily available, it’s not easy to access them during times of pain and confusion. Our defenses–various forms of judgment, distraction, and refusal to accept what is unchangeable–prevent us from accessing the healing comforts of friendship, for example, or self-calming strategies.
And this, I think, is where therapy helps. The phrase “simple but not easy” comes to mind. Resources for turning toward health and happiness are right in front of us, but to access them without a trusted companion—one skilled in gently confronting defenses and envisioning paths forward—eludes many of us, even in good times, and certainly during periods of stress and crisis.